Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine - Mannequin
In which Jim Bob and Fruitbat do strange things to Wire’s art-punk classic.
Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine - Second to Last Will and Testament
I’d give my body to medical science
If medical science will have me
They can take my lungs and kidneys
but my heart belongs to Daphne.
(Source: Spotify)
To die for his mother’s country
isn’t every fathers wish
But if you’re ever feeling hungry
feast your eyes on this
Under funded O.A.P.s
turn to life of crime
The great cucumber robberies of 1989
Send ‘em down and bang ‘em up
in a South London maisonette
unlicensed and unregistered
it shouldn’t happen to a vet
As the actress said to the bishop
the Rabbi and the Priest
My eyes have seen the glory
I’m a born again atheist
Two men, a drum machine, a fringe and some cycle shorts: The soundtrack to my misspent youth.
Carter USM - Commercial Fucking Suicide (Part 1)
The 1970s are great
Four and twenty years too late
Prejudice and racial hate
The dismantling of the welfare state
And just to keep you on toes
A soundtrack to go with the clothes
Created by computer kids
And marketing excutives
If you buy this record today
It’s not true what the advertisements say
Your life won’t be greatly improved
Oh but Christ, you’ve nothing to lose
And we’ve got so much to gain
Carter USM - Growing Old Disgracefully (Live)
You won’t still need me when I’m sixty four years old
Cantankerous and greedy and complaining of the cold
Maybe Heaven waits for me, if I’m as good as gold
I’m not going gracefully, doing what I’m toldI don’t wanna take a government bribe
I don’t wanna take a freebie bus ride
I don’t wanna see The Beatles revived
Not at any time while I’m still alive
I don’t want to carry carrier bags
I don’t need a lot of razzmatazz
Just some tick-a-tape,
some bunting and flags
I want a funeral
with a band that plays jazz
Carter USM - Sing, Fat Lady, Sing live in Zagreb, 20th May 1994.
This is not a love song and it serves no use
But if you want to sing along with some verbal abuse
It might make you feel better and it’s good for the soul
Take 4 letters and let’s rock ‘n’ roll
Everybody. LET’S MOSH!
Top floor, Shoppers’ Paradise
We’ve got a drunk Father Christmas and The Antichrist
We’ve got nothing of value, so there’s no V.A.T.
We’re going S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.
We take Visa, Access, American Express
Patched-up, hand-me-down, second to next best
Clothes for all ages, mothers and babies
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
The big shop is open, it’s a wonderful world!
Sky west and crooked
Twisted and as strange as fuck
Outside the bookies
window shopping for a change of luck
Oh, Carter. I love you so. With your flirting with sensitivity, before throwing the kitchen sink in. And your wordplay and puns. Your terrible, terrible puns.
If we club together
with all the diamonds we’ve saved
We could look to our hearts and say
we’ve got it in spades
Also in this song? Ian Dury quoting Man of La Mancha. So… much… love.
Two men with ridiculous names, in a band with an even more ridiculous name, with a drum machine in tow, covering Wire’s 1977 song Mannequin.
Jimbob and Fruitbat. I’ll never not love you.
From a time when you could be called Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, The Sultans of Ping FC, Sheep on Drugs, The Family Cat, The Pop Will Eat Itself, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Gaye Bykers on Acid, Butthole Surfers or Ned’s Atomic Dustbin and still be taken (semi) seriously.
Mind you, we do live in an age where a band called Dananananaykroyd actually exists.
Carter USM: 101 Damnations
Classic records lost in time and format, re-emerged as Pelican books.
Just for fun.
Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine - Bloodsport for All
“Bloodsport for all”, said Corporal Flash
And shoved me in a room full of C.S. gas
Stuck me in a wet-suit to dry off in the sun
And fed me pet food, Kit-e-kat and Chum
